The Potters Ruin Book Club
by CrookshanksTheKneazle
Summary: After Ginny reluctantly agrees to host Lavender and Parvati's book club at the Potter house, her husband and children sabotage the entire event, and, ironically, make her very proud. Includes a hint of Hinny.


**Summary** : After Ginny reluctantly agrees to host Lavender and Parvati's book club at the Potter house, her husband and children sabotage the entire event, and, ironically, make her very proud. Includes a hint of Hinny.

My inspiration for this piece came after I read several romance novels in which the main male characters seemed a little too rough and didn't really care for consent. I love romance novels when written well. However, I felt that Ginny (being Ginny) would have some politically incorrect thoughts about the state of this genre.

 **Disclaimer:** The rights to Harry Potter and any associated characters, themes, etc. belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. I do not own this world. I merely write in it.

* * *

Ginny Potter rarely visited Diagon Alley alone, as traveling in a group always made it easier to evade her nosy journalist colleagues. At the beginning of her famous Quidditch career she would have thought this mode of action counterintuitive. Wouldn't it be easier to be seen by the paparazzi in a large, noticeable group? But she had since learned that her family and friends were very good at keeping them away with a properly directed glare. Today, though, she was acting against her own advice, because her infuriating teenagers had waited just a couple days before school to mention that they all needed new supplies, without which they could not complete their summer homework (which, in her opinion, should have been done months ago). Conveniently, every other member of the family had not been available to do the shopping, which left her at the counter of the apothecary buying armadillo bile.

"There she is! Just the woman we've been looking for."

Ginny shot a glance across the bustling store. That statement usually didn't bode well. Two figures emerged from the crowd, but instead of journalists, they were quite possibly worse: Lavender Brown-Finnigan and Parvati Patil, grinning at her widely. Some would say that outgoing people became subdued with age. Whoever said that had obviously never met Lavender or Parvati. Or her, for that matter.

"Ginny!" Parvati engulfed her in an excited hug, "George said you might be here."

"George?" He would pay for this later.

"Yes," Lavender answered, "We've just been to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Or the W, as the kids like to say." She gave an airy giggle. "We wanted to send you another invitation."

Ginny propped her shopping bag on her hip as her arms tired from the weight. She was afraid the bile would spill. "I'm sorry- invitation to what?"

Parvati sighed, "The Guild! Don't you remember, Ginny? The three of us had so much fun at the last meeting."

Merlin. The Guild. Now she remembered. The Witches' Romance Guild was a book club for women over forty that met on the twenty-eighth day of each month. Lavender and Parvati attended every Guild gathering, and the previous month they had asked her to join them, despite the fact that she had not read the designated book. She wouldn't have read it anyway: It was some boring piece about a witch who falls for a rude, uneducated Muggle gardener after knowing him for only a single day. And the steamiest sex scene was _before_ he had introduced himself and _after_ the main character had expressly said, "I don't want to sleep with you." That bothered her for so many reasons. The side of her that was a little too proud of her husband figured that perhaps these women were frustrated with their boring, sexless, prudish spouses.

But she wouldn't utter that out loud.

"Umm... I would love to go, but I'm really busy then. I'll be home all day…" She cast around for an excuse. "Because Lily needs my help with a paper she's writing, and she'll basically be stuck if I'm not around to answer her questions."

Lavender nodded. "I know the feeling. My Sarah constantly needs help with Charms."

"But there's a way around that," Parvati interjected, "Lena, our group leader, usually hosts meetings at her flat in London. She's just taken ill and can't host the next one, so we have no venue for the Guild." She smirked slyly. "Unless the Guild met at your place. Then you could meet with the group _and_ you could be available in case Lily needed you."

Lavender squealed in excitement. "Yes! Harry and Ginny have a beautiful home! What do you say, Ginny?"

She was going to say no, of course. After all, she was an assertive journalist and tough-love mother, famous for smothering her enemies on the Quidditch pitch and fighting in a war, a ruthless warrior if there ever was one. Nobody could make Ginny Potter do anything that she did not want to-

"I can't believe we are hosting them today," Harry grumbled, sorting papers in his home office a day later, "You don't seriously want to see them?"

"Well, what if I wanted the company?"

"But you already have company," he answered cheekily, "You have me." He removed his hand from his desk to give her waist a squeeze.

Ginny swatted his hand, smiling in spite of herself. "I meant the company of other women my age."

"Surely not _those_ women?"

"I'll be making lunch for them today." She strode towards him conspiratorially. "Including Mum's famous treacle tart."

"Say no more." He grinned. "They're welcome anytime."

As Ginny wiped the coffee table in the living room with Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, her seventeen-year-old son eyed the kitchen counter hungrily. His mother had made an assortment of finger sandwiches, brewed a pot of tea, and even made some of his grandmother's famous treacle tart.

"Don't even think about it," she warned, still bent over the table.

He didn't flinch. He had since grown used to the eyes on the back of her head. "Are any of the cousins coming today?" he asked.

"No."

"So you felt really affectionate and decided to make lunch for your darling children?"

"Also no."

"Then what are we having for lunch?"

"I don't know, James. What will you be making for lunch?" she asked pointedly. She had been trying to instill a sense of independence in her children by sometimes asking them to make their own lunches. However, out of the three, Albus had been the only one to inherit his parents' cooking prowess. This meant, of course, that James and Lily frequently made cereal for lunch.

"Maybe I could ask Dad-,"

"Don't. Your father's in his study. He's working on a case." Although she had a feeling he was lying about that.

After scrubbing crusted Pepperup potion off the coffee table, she called all three of her children downstairs and informed them of their impending visitors, asking them to be polite and keep to themselves while the Guild was present. For good measure, she asked Lily to occasionally interrupt to ask questions about her homework.

"But why? " she asked confusedly, "I finished it already-"

The doorbell promptly rang, and Ginny banished her children with a motion of her hand. She could hear someone's bedroom door closing upstairs as she went to answer the door.

Once settled in, and after thanking Ginny profusely for hosting them, Lavender, Parvati, and the other members of the Guild grabbed their books and began discussion. Once again, Ginny had not read the book, much less bought it. Lavender, in a most Hermione-ish manner, began to describe the plot as if she had memorized the summary from the back:

" _The Warlock in Roses,_ the fifth novel by award-winning author, J.L. Tommey, offers the heart-clenching romance that the wizarding world has been waiting for. The main character, a young healer named Geraldine, falls for the rich and mysterious Mr. Burner after he follows her home from a banquet…"

This received a flirtatious "Oooh!" from the ladies. _Ew,_ Ginny thought.

"Ginny…Ginny!" The group turned to her at Lavender's address.

"Yes?"

"I asked you, 'Would you like us to read your favorite part?' seeing as you're the host."

"Actually, I wanted to hear _your_ favorite part, Lavender. It seems like you have a special connection to this story."

Lavender grabbed the opportunity, and flipped open her book. Ginny could see that the spine was worn from many openings, and the page that she turned to was already bent.

"This is the part when Mr. Burner appears at her flat," she explained. Parvati and the other members nodded in acknowledgement. Lavender cleared her throat and began to read:

 _"Why, Mr. Burner, what are you doing here?" Geraldine asked, intrigued._

 _"You have always captivated me, Ms. Stein. I wanted to see the way you lived, so different from my neighbors. And so I grabbed the back of your cloak when you apparated."_

 _Geraldine shivered in anticipation. There were some men that asked to act. And then there was Samuel Burner, who did what he wanted-_

A snort came from the kitchen area opposite. The group turned their heads. James sat at the kitchen counter, placing cheese on a turkey sandwich.

"James!" Lavender called cheerily, "So nice to see you!" She told the ladies, "This is Ginny's eldest. Is there something wrong, James?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm okay." Ginny attempted to shoot him a look, but he turned his back to search the pantry for ingredients.

Lavender returned to the book. "Where were we? Oh, yes!"

 _And then there was Samuel Burner, who did what he wanted._

 _"My goodness, Mr. Burner. I'm just a healer. Why am I the girl you want to chase so romantically?"_

Another snort. A couple of members rolled their eyes.

"Is there a problem, James?" Parvati asked.

"Yeah. That's not romantic."

Lavender shook her head, "James, some forms of romance are very profound. Perhaps you haven't reached the age-"

"I've reached the age to know not to be a creepy prick."

A couple of women tsked loudly. Ginny sighed. "Language, James!"

"But it's true, Mum! If I got into my girlfriend's house without knocking like a normal person, she'd punch me in the nose! And we've been dating for a over a year!"

The door to the study right off the living room opened. Before the women had time to acknowledge Harry, he put a hand on James's shoulder, murmured something in his ear, and ushered him out of the kitchen.

"Please excuse my son," he shouted back, "There are some young men that ask to act. And then there's James who _does what he wants."_ He caught Ginny's eye, and she could see the corners of his lips twitching.

 _Not helping!_ she mouthed.

After their exit, the Guild continued to stare at Ginny. There was a short silence.

"Well, then," Lavender continued, obviously perturbed. She closed the book. "How about we discuss the most _passionate_ points of the book, if you all understand my meaning. I found page two hundred and six to be quite scandalous."

"It's obvious, though, which scene was the steamiest," another member, Emma, announced, "It's the first sex scene, the one in which Geraldine insists that she isn't looking to sleep with any man, but Samuel shoves her on his drawing room floor and-,"

"Merlin, I feel sorry for that girl."

Sixteen-year-old Albus stood in the living room, holding his sketchpad.

"Everyone," Ginny said, "This is my youngest son, Albus. Do you need something, Al?"

"Yeah, actually. I've run out of ink."

"I just bought some yesterday. It should be in your room."

"But I was thinking of using a Muggle pen. For variety, you know."

"Your dad keeps some in our bedroom upstairs."

"Your bedroom?"

"Yes."

"You mean that place where Dad's not allowed to touch you when you're not in the mood?"

A couple of women gasped at the inappropriateness. Ginny's face began to redden in true Weasley fashion. "Albus Severus Potter. Back to your room. Now."

Albus headed upstairs hurriedly, hoping to avoid an explosion from his mother.

"I'm sorry about their behavior today," Ginny stated, "I don't know what's gotten into them."

"Boys," Parvati grumbled. Several members nodded in agreement.

This time Lavender took on a new tactic, and acted as if there had been no interruption. "There was one scene I found particularly passionate, and it didn't include sexual content at all."

"It was the kiss scene, wasn't it?" another member named Lizzy asked.

Lavender seemed to be recovering her excitement. "Yes! I felt that the tension was built up quite nicely there. Would you all like me to read the dialogue?"

Before receiving a response, she turned to one of her bent pages.

"Hello, everyone!" It was Lily, skipping into the living room holding her Charms book. "My name is Lily. I'm Ginny's daughter." The Guild responded politely, smiling at her and saying hello.

"What is it, Lils?" Ginny asked.

"I needed to ask you a question about my homework." She gave her mother a furtive wink.

Ginny smiled, "Sure. What's your question?"

"What's the difference between a levitation charm and a locomotor charm? They seem so similar."

"Depends on purpose and direction," Ginny answered, "If you want to lift an object, use levitation, but if you would like to move an object backwards or forwards whilst levitating, use locomotor."

"Okay, thanks!"

Lavender smiled. "Lily is the sweetest of her children," she said to the ladies, "Would you like to listen to our story, Lily?"

"What kind of story is it?"

"It's a beautiful love story," Parvati answered.

"Yes! I love romance!" she scurried over to sit next to her mother.

Ginny frowned. "Is it okay if she listens? She's only fourteen, after all."

"It shouldn't be a problem," said Lavender, "It's only a kissing scene. Now, let's begin:"

 _Mr. Burner approached her, and there was something in his eyes that she could not quite place. A burning darkness that had not existed there before._

" _I have told you, Mr. Burner, that I have no intention of kissing you tonight," Geraldine said as she backed against the wall, matching Samuel step for step._

" _You did mention that, Ms. Stein, but through all of your protests, I can tell what you really think. You want this just as much as I do."_

 _Mr. Burner closed in on Geraldine to lock his lips on hers-_

"That's so scary!" Lily blurted out.

"Darling, they're kissing. It's not scary at all," Emma insisted.

"Yes, it is! He backed her into a corner!"

"Because he was being suave, Darling."

"Well, he doesn't seem suave to me," Lily complained, "When Michael Williams from my year tried to do that to me in Gryffindor Tower, I casero-hexed him in his privates. I got detention for that."

"And rightfully so," Lavender sniffed, "The casero hex isn't widely known and is painful when used on a man. Who taught you to do that?"

"My mum," Lily answered nonchalantly, "She said that if a boy was trying to force me to do something that I didn't want to do and he didn't listen to me, she gave me her full permission to hex his balls. Her words, not mine."

"I didn't exactly say it that way-"

"But you did, Mum. Y-"

"Darling, how about you go do your homework?" Ginny raised her eyebrows warningly.

Lily got the message and acquiesced, trudging upstairs to her room.

After the third interruption, the ladies seemed to be too afraid to discuss the book, should they accidentally summon a member of the Potter family. This resulted in chitchat unrelated to the novel whilst eating finger sandwiches, followed by a discussion of next month's book choice and a swift goodbye. All of the members were curt with Ginny as they said their farewells. Lavender, the last to leave, pulled her aside.

"Ginny, I know you really like the Guild," she hesitated, "But I think you can understand when I say that the group would prefer that future meetings not be hosted at the Potter house." She smiled sympathetically. "I certainly understand what it's like. My daughter Sarah can be quite disruptive too, but some of the other ladies are not as hospitable." She gave Ginny a hug and left without another word.

Ginny closed the door and slumped her shoulders, looking behind her. All four of them were standing in the hallway, facing her. Albus, folding his arms and looking at his feet, James, trying not to laugh, Lily, unsure if she should run or smile, and Harry, with a piece of treacle tart stuffed in his mouth.

"Well, that was a disaster," she finally declared, "The Guild was constantly interrupted, they never got to talk about their novel, they think my family is mental, and they're never going to let me host again. I think they gave me the boot, to be honest." She strode over to them ominously. "What do all of you have to say for yourselves?"

Albus hesitated, "Um…you're welcome?"

All was silent. Ginny suddenly keeled over, laughing, leaning against the wall for balance. Harry almost choked on his treacle tart laughing with her, and James patted his father's back.

"I was cringing so hard," she said in between fits of giggles. She suddenly composed herself, plastering an expression on her face that exactly resembled Lavender's. " _Oh, Mr. Burner, you broke into my house! How romantic!"_ All three of her kids began to laugh with them.

"Can I just say," Harry added, "that I'm proud that Lily hexed that Williams boy."

"This is the tenth time you've said that, Dad," said James.

"And can I just say," Ginny interjected, "that I'm relieved that none of my sons aspire to follow in the footsteps of Mr. Burner."

"I mean, the book isn't all bad." Harry smirked. "Page two hundred and six, for example." He produced a copy of _The Warlock in Roses_ from his robes.

"You bought it?!" the other four exclaimed.

"No, I borrowed it from the Flourish and Blotts rental program. I thought your mother would want to read it before the meeting."

Ginny scowled at it. "I have zero interest." Her scowl turned to a smile, "But apparently you do?"

"Page two hundred and six, Love. We could reenact it. The kids will be at school in three days."

"Dad, I just ate!" James whined.

"Honestly, Dad!" Lily groaned.

Harry opened up the book. " _Samuel approached Geraldine with his umbrella-"_

"You are going nowhere near me with an umbrella."

" _He placed it on the floor in front of her, and-"_

"La, la, la. I'm not listening," she sang.

James, Albus, and Lily decided to eat the remaining finger sandwiches and treacle tart. As Ginny lent against the counter, listening to her children's animated banter with her husband's arm around her, she couldn't help but have two thoughts:

The first was that she had an amazing family, and she wouldn't trade them for the world.

And the second was that she would never, ever reenact page two hundred and six.

* * *

So I just wanted to clarify some points. Firstly, Ginny doesn't hate romance. It's just that she has had such a fairytale-esque relationship with Harry that anything remotely resembling a 'gray area' in sexual conduct would be unacceptable to her, and she would raise her children likewise. Secondly, I am aware that I got the age difference wrong between the Potter children. It was just a preference. Thirdly, J.L. Tommey and the casero hex are products of my own imagination and do not exist (lol).

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated!


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